15 things that have changed in the last 4 1/2 months

Everyone said that having kids would be life-changing, and I believed them to a certain extent. Still, there are a lot of changes that I didn't expect.

1. I have to plan 30 extra minutes for anything I do outside the house.
2. If I want to go anywhere by myself, it takes so much time to plan it's almost not worth it.
3. My stomach looks like a deflated inner tube, and my hair is falling out in clumps (normal, I'm told).
4. Travis and I spend more time talking about poop and spit up than anything else.
5. I've been a neglectful dog owner (poor Jax. Gotta remedy this one).
6. I don't pay attention to music. I have no idea what is on the radio now.
7. I can function on so little sleep, it's amazing to me.
8. Having said that, I do really stupid things at times because I am brain dead from lack of sleep. The other day I walked to another teacher's classroom to ask a question. She reminded me that I had already asked her like an hour earlier.
9. Travis has become the big reader in the house. Since I am in charge of the bedtime routine, he has read about 5 books to my 1. I am going through withdrawals.
10. My current favorite song is Will I Am's "What I Am" from Sesame Street. My mom uses it to distract Eli so he takes his bottle. It's on constant rotation in my head.
11. I am giving assignments faster than I can get the papers graded (gotta remedy this one too).
12. I can eat lunch in exactly 7 minutes.
13. I'm never lonely - there's always someone around who wants to cuddle.
14. I get to see my parents every day (since they are the saintly daycare providers).
15. That baby's smile makes all this crap (literal and figurative) worth it.

Friday update

We had an interesting week.

Grandma Brandon introduced Eli to one of his favorite new toys:

We finally started enjoying "tummy time":

He had his 4 month check-up at the doctor's office on Tuesday:

He's in the 50th percentile for weight and the 90th for height. Travis thinks the nurse made a mistake in her measurements. I just think he takes after my side of the family. Future basketball player? He had his immunizations and felt crummy the next day.

On Thursday evening, it started to snow. School was released early, so I flew to pick up the boy and we made our harrowing drive through the snow with all of the other Southerners who, like me, freak out at a single flake in the road. When we got home, there were a couple of inches on the ground and streets. Then the power went out. Travis couldn't get home because of all the wrecks and ice, so he went back to work, and we went next door to spend the evening in front of Travis's grandparents' fireplace. The snow and ice in the roads started to turn to slush, so Travis decided to try again, and he made it to us just in time for our power to come on again at 10:00.

Eli got to see his first snow:

Motherhood in the information age

Two days before Eli was born, I got my first smartphone. It's an iphone 4 that I was talked into getting instead of the free non-smartphone I was planning to get. I'm sure I was the salesman's dream customer. I thought it would be a good thing to have in case I needed to quickly and easily google for information about childrearing. Four months later, it has probably done more harm than good.

The amount of information available on the internet, in books, and from the mouths of elders is overwhelming to me as a new mom. I have spent countless hours reading, trying to figure out how to do the "right thing" for my child.

Sleeping, milestones, when to introduce the bottle, when NOT to introduce the bottle, tummy time, rashes, eye-contact, early signs of autism, naptime, flat head, poop color and consistency, when to introduce solids, age-appropriate play, age-appropriate toys, how to boost baby's IQ, how to boost baby's self-esteem...and so on...

And much of this information is contradictory. And much of it contradicts what grandmas think should be done. It's enough to make a mom crazy.

New moms (I'm going to go out on a limb and speak for all of us here) try so hard to do what is right for their kids. There is constant second-guessing and self-doubt and not a lot of positive feedback or way-to-gos. It's not like Eli can say to me, "Hey, thanks for ensuring that I got 30 minutes of tummy-time today. I'll be crawling right on time!" And sometimes the people around you can be rough, too.

There is a person close to me (who shall forever remain nameless) who has something negative to say about everything that I do with Eli. If he is wrapped in a blanket, he is too hot. If he's not wearing a hat (INDOORS), he is too cold. If he wants to stretch his legs out and practice standing, he's going to be bow-legged. His bedtime is too late. He got a cold because I took him out of the house. If I take him out in public, he will get the flu. I shouldn't be going back to work. I hold him too much. This person constantly tells me about "bad" moms and moms who don't bond with their babies.

A few weeks ago, I went to Walmart with Eli. A stranger stopped us to ask how old he was. I told her, and she said, "Well, he looks very happy and loved, and you look fantastic!" It made me feel so much better.

I say all that to say this: if you know a new mom or if you see one in public, give her a compliment if you can. It can make all the difference in the world for her confidence - and she needs that.

And tell her to put away the smartphone. :)

Lack of sleep at Casa del lunes

We're getting re-adjusted to my work schedule now, but it hasn't been easy. Eli is FINALLY taking a bottle. My mom has to distract him a bit with Sesame Street videos, but it works and he's eating and starting to nap better, too. His sleeping through the night has stopped now, but I have a feeling he'll get back on track pretty soon. I am so very tired. It feels similar to those first couple of weeks after he was born. Half the time I feel like a zombie. Today was a little better, though. He woke up a couple of times during the night, but he didn't wake up for the day until about 9. I can handle that. All these books and websites say he should be on a strict schedule, but I don't know how to make that happen. I guess I'm a bad mom. Whatever.

My dear friend Amber came to visit today with her little girl who is 2. It was so much fun to watch the little ones interact. Eli stared at her like crazy, and he couldn't stop smiling. I think they are going to be good friends.

It's hard to believe that he will be as big as she is in less than 2 years!

Back at work

I'm back at work now, and we're trying to get settled into a routine. Lots of guilt going through my head and heart at the moment. I feel guilty for leaving Eli, even though I know he's in capable, loving hands. I feel guilty at work, too, because I know I won't be able to be there for my students the way I was before. It's a strange feeling to be forcing myself to leave the building at 3:45 everyday instead of staying as late as necessary. Grading papers is going to present a problem.

I'm getting up at 5 AM now which is quite a shock to the system. It's a good thing the boy trained me on how to function with very little sleep! His routine has really been disrupted, too. We're trying to work on an earlier bedtime, but the little night-owl is fighting it. We got him to go to sleep about 30 minutes earlier than normal last night, so that's a start.

He's doing really well with my mom considering how much of a change everything is for him. He's drinking from the bottle (!) reluctantly. She did a good job today distracting him with Sesame Street so he didn't know what was going on. He's got a bad habit of eating in front of the TV already, just like his Mama.

On another, random note, I wish they made some of this baby equipment for grown-ups. He looks so relaxed and comfortable right now asleep in his swing, and his bouncer chair looks so comfy, too. I'd like one of those for the living room. Ooh, and the johnny-jump-up could help me get rid of some of this pregnancy weight!

I need a nap.

Changes

He's changing so fast. Three weeks ago, I could put him in his bouncer chair and he would just stare at the toys and sort of smile or reach out shyly to touch one of them. Then about two weeks ago, he started grabbing them one at a time and laughing. Today he had one in his right hand and was yanking the other with his left.

Toys are very important now, particularly his Sophie giraffe, a ridiculously expensive French toy that he adores and tries to eat.

He gets extremely frustrated when he can't do something, like if he tries to get a toy in his mouth and can't quite make it work. Today he spent 20 minutes trying to eat a talking lantern and then started screaming with rage. I worry that he is going to be like me - "I can't do this! EXPLODE!" I have a feeling that my future may include many heart-to-heart talks about how practice makes perfect and how we have to control our emotions.

But I could be wrong. Most of the time he's pretty happy.

Sick boy update

I took Eli to the doctor today just to check on his nasty cough. He's fine. He's just getting over the cold, and his lungs are super clear. He weighs 14 pounds now. Crazy. He smiled through the check-up, and then we went to play with Grandma for awhile. She wore him out, so he had to take a little nap.

 

In other news, I go back to work on Monday. It's funny, when he was first born, there were rough days where a part of me just wanted to go to work for a few hours to escape. Now all I want to do is stay home with him. I'm glad we had a lot of time together, though, and I am glad that his awesome grandma and grandpa are going to be taking care of him. We are having an issue now where he is refusing to take a bottle. Obviously, this is a huge problem. If anyone has any advice on how to make that work, I would sure love to hear it. 

Sick boy

Eli has a cold. Despite my best efforts, all the disinfecting wipes and keeping him inside, getting shots and all sorts of things, germs have invaded their way into my little darling's body.

It sucks. It is so sad, and it is so scary because I'm crazy with worry, and this is not even a real illness. He's not running a fever, and he still smiles a lot. It's just a cold.

Is there such a thing as postpartum terror?

Last night we could not get him to sleep in his bed - he kept waking himself up coughing and then would cry for one of us. The only way he was comfortable was when he was held, which makes sense. Sometimes when I'm sick the only thing that makes me happy is my mom.

So I rocked him for a couple of hours while I finished reading Anne Lamott's Operating Instructions, a memoir about her son's first year. I came across these lines:

"I look down into his staggeringly lovely little face, and I can hardly breathe sometimes. He is all I have ever wanted, and my heart is so huge with love that I feel like it is about to go off. At the same time I feel that he has completely ruined my life,  because I just didn't used to care all that much."

Truth. 

Eli's Second Day

The little man got a clean bill of health from the doctors, and so did I. I also felt like moving around and walking some more, so that was good. More visitors came, including Travis's mom and grandparents. I spent an hour playing with the little guy's hands and feet. I got to eat some real food.

I was still on the pain meds and still was not able to lie flat. All the visitors, doctors, and nurses coming and going made it hard for me to get any rest - Eli didn't have this problem. He slept like a champ during the day. My parents came by and told Travis to go home and have a nap, which he did gladly. He also wanted to take one of Eli's swaddling blankets home so that the dogs could get used to his smell. By late afternoon, I was so exhausted and overwhelmed and frustrated at not being able to get around and take care of Eli. I couldn't nurse him under the cover and people were constantly in and out, and I finally just lost it and broke down. No one can prepare a person for the crazy feelings at the beginning of parenthood.

I finally got a short nap and shower, and I felt better after that. This was good, because Eli's second night was about the same as the first. We were up all night long trying to soothe him. I whispered to him that he was going to love the world and that I knew it was scary, but he would get used to it. It must be really frightening to be a baby.

Like clockwork - he went to sleep just in time for people to begin showing up. I was happy, though, because we were ready to go home.

Eli's First Day - Part 2

My parents, my Aunt Lois, and my brother came back to see the little guy. He was a little trooper and didn't seem to mind being passed around from person to person. In fact, he was pretty laid back, and I started to think that we had the best baby the world had ever known. Travis changed his first diaper. I wanted to help, but I couldn't get out of bed. This would be a recurring theme over the next couple of days.

The rest of the day was pretty easy and exciting. We just kept marveling over the little man. A few visitors came and went. We got the hang of feeding pretty easily. I was on a liquid diet plus painkillers. In the afternoon, Travis's Uncle Jeff came by and I threw up in front of him which was pretty humiliating.

By the time evening rolled around, I was out of bed and sitting in a chair. I was happy to be moving around, but the whole ordeal was pretty horrendous. The nurses kept telling me to make sure I took the meds so I could stay ahead of the pain. I took their advice, but it was terrible because here I was trying to be a mom and I was in a drug-induced fog most of the time. I was also really uncomfortable and could not stand to lie flat.

Eli slept most of the day. By the evening, he decided he didn't want to sleep anymore, and he was NOT happy. It was horrible - constant crying and Travis walking him around and trying to calm him. I helped as much as I could, but it was hard because I was so tired and the meds made that much worse. At one point, Travis climbed in bed with me and Eli because that was the only way to make him stop crying (which is a cute thought now but was really annoying at the time). I'm sure that we were a ridiculous sight.

He decided to go to sleep around 6am. We were so thankful and started trying to get some shuteye ourselves, but at that point the doctors started coming around to check on him and me. Then visitors arrived. It was the first of many sleepless nights.

Eli's first day - Part 1

I will try to keep this as non-gory as possible, but no promises. Proceed at your own risk.

When I first became pregnant (ugh, I hate the word), all of these people wanted to tell me their birth stories. I didn't really understand that, and it kind of made me laugh at the time, but now I get it. I do have this strange urge to share my experience - after all, it is by far the craziest, most monumental event of my life thus far (Is that sad? Should I have partied more in my youth?).

Anyway, I also feel like I need to write this all down while I still remember it. I guess Eli might want to read it someday. Then again, he's a boy, so maybe not. But here goes.

We knew for quite awhile that a C-section was likely for us because little man was stubborn and insisted on being face up. I held out hope up to the very end, trying to talk him into flipping, doing ridiculous yoga moves I found on the internet, getting ultrasounds every week for the last month to see if maybe he had changed position. No dice.

Yay for spending $75 on a class that covered mostly labor techniques and pain management!

Anyway, we were scheduled for Thursday morning, early. I was pretty nervous - the extent of my surgical experience being wisdom teeth removal. The nurse began getting me ready, which was really weird, and I hated being the center of attention. She started me on IV fluids which was a disaster - she ended up spilling fluid and blood all over me. I kind of felt sorry for her, but it really made me nervous. She gave Travis some scrubs, and wheeled me down the hall into the operating room - that part was fun.

The lights were super bright, and there was so much activity going on. I started to get a little lightheaded. The only thing I was truly nervous about was the spinal block. I hate needles, and just the word "spinal" makes me feel kind of nauseous. Slice me open - no problem; stick a needle into my back - panic! Anyway, it was really no big deal except that I got so nervous that when they were done and asked me to lie back on the table, I got lightheaded again and ended up almost kicking over a metal table of surgical tools. Then the nurse anesthetist leaned down and told me that my blood pressure had dropped and I would probably throw up. Great! Then Travis came in with the doctor. He had talked her into letting him stand to watch the procedure (usually they make the dads sit down so they don't pass out).

I didn't throw up. It was painless, but really weird. (I'll spare you the nastier details). The nurse anesthetist started laughing and told Travis, "Come here - you have to see this." As they pulled Eli out, he was peeing all over the doctor. She turned him around and he pooped on her. What a way to come into the world! Anyway, he started to cry, which was awesome. Then they brought him around the side to do his apgar scoring (He scored 9 both times - pin a rose on my nose!) and all of that important stuff. It was an amazing moment - indescribable. Travis was mesmerized. He was a big boy - 8lbs 2oz, 20 inches long. 9:26 in the morning.

The worst part of the whole ordeal was that I couldn't hold him right away. Travis had to hold him next to my face so I could look at him while they glued me back together (gross). We had fun laughing at the poor kid because he was trying so hard to open his eyes but the lights were too bright for him.

And before I knew it, we were being wheeled back to the room with a new little human. The nurse bathed him, and then I finally got my hands on him - a cute little thing covered with black hair. I think we just stared at each other for an hour - awesome.

Finding the time to write

I don't think anyone has ever read this blog other than family and friends, and if you fit into that category, then you know that we welcomed Elijah Monday to our world back in September. Since then (well, actually since before then if you want to get technical about it), Travis has been bugging me nonstop to blog about the kid. I wanted to tell his story from day one, I really did, but damn if raising a kid is not time-consuming.

Time-devouring would be a better term.

But all of a sudden, things have changed. Our little barely-human has turned into a baby - a fun baby who no longer wants to be carried around 24/7. And now I find myself having time to do things like shower, brush my teeth, eat lunch, etc. So I might try this blogging thing just because we have so many friends and family who are near and far who might like to hear about the little guy. And anyone who knows me knows that I am not good at the whole phone thing.

So...I might be updating this more often. We'll see how it goes. But if I start to become one of those crazy mommy-bloggers, I'm shutting this mofo down!